Or another option is to subscribe to a cable or satellite provider and pay for a package that includes the local channels, which in this area would be the St. Louis television stations only. Either way, it is going to cost people more to watch “free” TV.

That great benefactor, the U.S. government, is offering each household up to two coupons worth $40 each to buy analog-to-digital signal converter boxes. That isn’t too bad a deal since the boxes are retailing for about $40 each, maybe a little more. And they are not difficult to hook up to existing TV sets.

Out here in the south end of the county where cable television (and DSL internet) services are unheard of, unavailable and unobtainable, we subscribe to one of the satellite providers. I won’t say which one in the interest of avoiding unwanted calls from a lawyer. However, it’s the one that brags in commercials of having the highest customer satisfaction rating, more high definition channels, etc. Maybe they do have the most high definition channels, but this customer’s satisfaction rating is well below the highest rating.

Nevertheless, I am going to have to try and deal with them about adding the local channels to my package. They offer all kinds of incentives to new customers, including packages with local channels, but provide nothing to longtime existing customers except the guarantee of an annual increase in fees. Attempting to contact them by telephone puts you in that catatonic state induced by endless automated answering system options and interminable periods of “please hold for the next available customer service representative, your call is important to us.” Yeah, right.

This satellite provider recently changed the format of its web page and I can no longer log in to check my account or make changes to my package. Their web page always has been slow and one of the most difficult to navigate. It doesn’t really bother me too much except I opted for paperless billing and electronic fund transfers to pay the monthly bill. The bill never varies and I just have to remember to add $4 or $5 dollars to it every year when that “necessary minimum increase” goes into effect.

The other problem is that there are two other TV sets in the house that are not hooked up to the satellite system. The outside antennae picks up surprisingly good reception from St. Louis, Jefferson City and Columbia; sometimes even Springfield’s KY3 channel. That means adding satellite receivers, at additional cost of course, or buying the converter boxes for the other two sets, which still would allow viewing Jefferson City and Columbia channels on those.

But my application for the government’s two $40 coupons toward purchase of converter boxes was denied, presumably because I have satellite service, even though it is connected to only one TV. I have appealed the denial but, as with most decisions made by federal bureaucracies, hold out little hope that the decision will be overturned.

It is tempting to just forget about the switch to digital television signals, tell the government what they can do with their $40 coupons, and sell all three sets or use them as picture frames. That won’t happen, of course, but it is tempting.

When we get through this costly government-mandated “change for the better,” the next item the government believes we can do without is incandescent light bulbs. By 2012, according to pending proposals, only fluorescent light bulbs for artificial light sources will be available. Fluorescent bulbs use less energy and last considerably longer, the argument goes. The trade off is that they contain a small amount of mercury and that is going to create a disposal crisis. The government is working on resolving that minor problem so landfills of the future are not contaminated by huge amounts of broken fluorescent light bulbs leaking mercury.

Look for any solution the government reaches, such as paying for special hazardous waste pickup services, to hit your pocketbook — again.